Naive much?

Well, the old man just learnt [side note, isn't learnt a word?] the hard way about buying things off auction sited like ebay/graigslist/trademe.

He bought a motor for the van [it kicked the bucket]. It doesn't go. It won't start.

Oh dear. And I was relying on the van to get all my crap [namely my bed] out of this shit hole of a village [yes, village. Sad no?] and into civilization.

Bugger.